The Bottom Line on The Science and Psychology of Love (#3)

It can be said conclusively that love is one of the most delightful feelings of our lives. It is quite true about the saying “love is blind” because you never know when your brain will encounter love. A significant number of chemical reactions are involved in instigating lust, attraction, attachment, and love between couples. Science has yet discovered the exact bodily reactions behind the complexity of love.  However, based upon the above studies it is clearly said that falling in love involves many mechanisms and chemicals within the brain . You simply cannot avoid the sensual reaction of love. The partner doesn’t need to be sublime, sexy, or handsome—the feeling is deeper than a physical tactility. Love is a natural muse; you will puzzle over it, dream about it, and be lost in thought.

Why We Fall in Love: The Science of Love (#1)
The 3 Stages Involved in Falling in Love (#2)



The 3 Stages Involved in Falling in Love (#2)

A recent study based on the topic “science behind the love” is conducted at Rutgers University located in United States, revealed there are 3 stages involved with falling in love—namely lust, attraction, and attachment.  Each stage involves different types of chemical reactions within the body (specifically the brain). Along with that, there are different hormones present in the body helping to excite all these three stages (lust, attraction, and attachment) separately as well as collectively.

Stage 1: Lust

Lust is said to be the initial stage of getting involved with love. The feel of lust is basically backed up or instigated by the sexual hormones within the body.

Estrogen and Testosterone are the two basic types of hormones present equally in men and women’s body that excites the feeling of lust within the brain. Limbic processes in the brain in response to lust have health-promoting and stress-reducing potential. In addition, lust, love, and pleasure ensure the endurance of mankind through mating. The mating process is a discrete interrelated process initiating attraction.

Stage 2: Attraction

Second stage of acquiring love is attraction. This phase is said to be one of the beautiful moments of life.  This is the phase when a person actually starts to feel the love. His or her impatience for attracting somebody leads to excitement, and the individual is left with no other option but to only think about that specific person.  Scientifically, it has been concluded in the study that there are three more sub-stages of attraction that portray drastic changes over the individual’s personality. The three sub-stages of attraction are adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin.


Scientists have elaborated that initial symptoms of attraction toward someone involves:

  • Stress response
  • Increase in adrenalin and cortisol
  • Attitude reaction

It has been specified in the study that any person who falls in love will acquire a slight or drastic change in the above stated three factors.  Furthermore, attraction is one of the charming effects of life and slight changes in personality are not only natural but are also positive. For this reason, whenever you bump into your crush, your senses decline, your heart beats like a drum, and your mouth is so dry your tongue feels like sandpaper.


To follow the theoretical research, a physical experiment was also conducted to prove the veracity of physical evidence.  The brains of a new couple struck with love were observed using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRIs). It was genuinely shocking to discover the minds of both male and female have large spikes of neurotransmitter dopamine, a chemical that stimulates the feeling of pleasure within the body.

After discovering this, scientists described both the male and female minds are equally high as if they had taken cocaine or somewhat similar drug! Dopamine is a natural stimulant providing you with ecstasy.

The couple furthermore revealed the following facts about themselves from the time they feel in love until the date they were examined:

  • Surge of energy
  • Observed a significant decrease in feeling hungry
  • Found to have slept less compared to before falling in love
  • Attention has been more focused than ever before


Last but not the least, serotonin has been found as one of the important chemicals involved for exciting the feeling of love. Serotonin basically diverts your mind and bounds you to think about your lover and nothing else. It becomes a path for the mind.  Sandra Langeslag and colleagues (2012) report serotonin levels are different in men and women when in love. The men in love had lower levels of serotonin, while the women reveal the opposite. The participants in love reported engrossing in thought about their beloved 65% of their day.

Stage 3: Attachment

When a couple passes through the above two stages of love successfully, the time of bonding with each other becomes powerful. Attachment is a bond helping the couple to take their relationship to advanced levels. It instigates the feeling of bearing children and falling in love with them wholeheartedly.

While investigating the “attachment factor,” scientists discovered two sub-stages involved. The two sub-stages are hormones in the body that attract an individual to retaining the feeling of love with his or her partner. The two hormones, namely, oxytocin and vasopressin are discussed below.


Oxytocin, also known as “the cuddle hormone,” is one of the most powerful hormones released equally by men and women, especially during orgasm.  Oxytocin (OT) formulates the depth of love and forges the attachment the partner. The study was second by another research based on “sexual activities between a couple and the out-comes.” The more a couple opts for sex, the more substantial the bond of attachment is. OT plays a key role in affiliation and attachments in humans.

Similarly, oxytocin helps build a strong bond between a mother and an infant during the time of birth. In addition, it is such a sensitive hormone that it automatically signals the breast to release the milk upon the baby’s sound or touch. OT mediates specific female behaviors such as lactation and parturition.  Social interaction with your loved one requires affective “mind reading,” or interpreting faint cues from your partner. Humans infer internal feelings of people from external expressions to predict the other person’s behavior. In a double-blind study of 30 healthy volunteers the administered oxytocin caused a substantial boost in the ability of the individuals to interpret cues from the region of the other person’s eyes. OT improves the interaction between couples by improving this social connection.


Vasopressin, known as an anti-diuretic, it performs its operation along with the kidney, therefore controlling thirst. This hormone is released in major quantity quickly after sex. Although the brains of women and men are structurally different, they both secrete vasopressin from the pituitary gland. This is a vital role in copulation and partner preference (Hiller, 2004).

Vasopressin is termed as an important hormone to promote long-lasting relationships. A study in Biological Psychology (2012) assessed 37 couples by measuring neuropeptide blood levels.

Results reveal vasopressin levels were in relation to the following:

  • Interpersonal functioning
  • Larger social network
  • Greater spousal support
  • More attachment security
  • Relationship maintenance
  • Less negative communication

Why We Fall in Love: The Science of Love (#1)
The Bottom Line on The Science and Psychology of Love (#3)


Why We Fall in Love: The Science of Love (#1)

Have you ever stopped for a second to think about the science and psychology of falling in love or why you are falling in love with that special someone? Did you ever notice love is sort of a mysterious yet natural emotion in us and it must have to do something with our chemistry to one another? Or, have you ever concluded love could be a beautiful feeling helping species remain alive? If not, it is the time to be mindful because it will definitely help you envision and live a fuller life.

We simply call this mysterious feeling “love” but believe it or not, there is a complexity behind the wheel driving us to cogitate our involvement in this feeling—some sort of devoted and passionate feeling.  Science has sought long to detect the basic phenomenon behind amity and has concluded at many stages that love is the most alluring feeling in our life aiding us to thrive. Fidelity compels us to accelerate the process of reproduction. Staying over the rainbow and in love with the world is not a casual nexus.

An article in Psychopharmacology (2012) concluded when compared to behavioral addiction, social attachment is similar—individuals become addicted to other because of the returned reward. There is a chemical chain of reaction triggered in our bodies ultimately instigating the feeling of love to strike our minds. Actually, falling in love is getting into a beautiful trap set up by nature, a natural occurrence we cannot fight.  According to a science-based study by Arthur Arun, on average, the mind of a person takes between 90 seconds to 4 minutes to determine whether it is struck by love or not.

Some of the highlighted points of the study are as follows:

  • 55% of the role is played by body language; this means a brain detects the activities of body movement and decides whether it has received the signals of love or not
  • 38% of the decision to be in love is contributed by the voice—its tone and change in frequency
  • 7% is the reaction to a lover’s statement or choice of words

The 3 Stages Involved in Falling in Love (#2)
The Bottom Line on The Science and Psychology of Love (#3)


Refleksi Waktu

Time IllustrationAyo kita balik dulu belasan tahun kebelakang, mungkin sebagian dari kita banyak yang lahir di penghujung generasi 90an. Di tahun itu kita adalah anugrah terbesar yang diberikan Tuhan kepada kedua orang tua kita. Lalu kita dikenalkan kepada kehidupan, kepada Ayah, Ibu, keluarga dan banyak hal lainnya.

Di tahun itu, di hari lebaran, kita di ajak untuk mengunjungi Kakek dan Nenek. Kita adalah cucu kesayangan mereka. Bahagia mereka jika bercengkrama dengan kita.

Puluhan tahun berikutnya, kita sudah disibukan dengan urusan dunia. Belajar, bekerja, merantau pula mungkin. Dan saat berlebaran, ada suatu masa kita hanya bisa berkesempatan mengunjungi Ayah Ibu kita, dan mendoakan mereka yang telah tiada.

Maju kembali belasan atau puluhan tahun kemudian. Kesedihan akan terganti dengan tahun-tahun kebahagian. Kita tidak akan pulang lagi sendiri. Dengan riangnya kita pulang dengan suami/istri tercinta, pasangan yang dengannya kita berkomitmen untuk hidup bersama. Orang tua kita tentu berbahagia, merasakan kehidupan baru yang tumbuh di keluarga.

Beberapa waktu setelah itu kita akan kehadiran seseorang yang tak ternilai harganya. Ya, si buah hati. Saat kita ajak sekeluarga pulang, kebahagian kedua orang tua kita tidak bisa tergambarkan lagi, bermain bersama cucunya tercinta. Mereka sudah menjadi Kakek dan Nenek sekarang.

Puluhan tahun berlalu. Hidup berputar. Anak-anak kita mulai sibuk dengan kesibukannya. Kita bertambah dewasa dan bijaksana untuk menyiapkan masa depan, kedua orang tua kita mulai renta dan kita lah yang mulai mengurusnya. Dan angin dingin pun mulai menyelimuti kita, usia dan Yang Maha Kuasa mulai memanggil kedua orang yang sangat kita cintai. Menyadari betapa rindunya kita saat mereka sudah tiada.

Hidup masih berputar. Tiba saatnya kita melepas anak kita untuk berkeluarga. Dan kita kembali hidup berdua, menghabiskan waktu untuk saling mengisi apa yang Tuhan telah beri. Di hari yang sama, hari lebaran, giliran kita yang dikunjungi. Merekalah yang membawa kebahagian kepada kita, anak dan cucu kita. Jabatan kita sudah menjadi Kakek/Nenek saat ini.

Puluhan tahun semenjak kita dilahirkan. Zaman berganti. Apa yang kita ingat dengan kenangan telah berganti menjadi sejarah yang sering diceritakan kepada cucu kita. Tak terasa lamanya kita hidup didunia.

Ada suatu saat dimana cucu kita sudah mempunyai cucunya sendiri. Anak kita sudah menjadi Kakek/Nenek. Pada lebaran itu mereka semua berkumpul di rumah yang sama, rumah saksi segala manis-pahit yang terjadi. Anak kita duduk di kursi bacanya, cucu kita sedang bercengkrama dengan tetangga, cicit kita sedang bermain di halaman rumah. Tapi bisakah bayangkan dimana posisi kita? Dimana kita saat semua kehidupan itu terulang lagi?

Mungkin saat itu kita adalah orang yang pertama kali mereka kunjungi. Selepas solat Ied mereka bersama-sama pergi, membawa keceriaan anak-anaknya dengan baju lebarannya, mendoakan kita, membersihkan rumah kita. Sayangnya kita hanya sebuah batu yang kasar, nisan yang di dunia ini tak pernah lagi bisa bercengkrama dengan mereka.

Terinspirasi dari budaya silaturahmi sanak keluarga saat Syawal tiba. Mungkin tiap tahun kita pergi/pulang ke tempat yang sama, rumah yang sama, tapi dengan orang yang berbeda. Ada yang datang, ada yang pergi.
Waktu berlalu tak selama yang kita bayangkan.


Our Education System

Education system“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

Sumber: The Rhythm of Life, Living Every Day with Passion and Purpose (2004) – Matthew Kelly

Matahari Kepada Bumi

Matahari tidak pernah meninggalkan bumi sekalipun bumi tidak mampu melihatnya. Entah oleh mendung gelap atau hujan lebat. Sekalipun bumi tidak bisa merasakan kehadirannya dimalam hari. Matahari titipkan cintanya kepada Bulan. Memberi ruang kepada bumi agar bumi paham, bahwa ada atau tiadanya matahari, langit tetaplah menawan.

Matahari tidak pernah meninggalkan bumi, pada jarak yang sama bertahun-tahun. Matahari dan Bumi adalah dua hal yang memang berlainan. Terlalu dekat membuat keduanya akan saling meniadakan. Mungkin cukup seperti ini hubungan antara Matahari dan Bumi. TIdak untuk saling berdekatan namun dengan jarak yang cukup aman untuk saling mencintai.

Toh mencintai itu tidak selalu berarti harus berdekatan dan memiliki bukan? Tidak selalu berarti bahwa cinta itu harus bertemu dan bersatu. Cinta tanpa pertemuan? Bisa saja terjadi, seperti ketika saya mencintai orang dimasa depan yang bahkan belum pernah saya temui. Cinta yang diwujudkan dalam doa-doa dan perbaikan diri.

Matahari kepada Bumi pun demikian. Pada jaraknya yang aman, keduanya justru bersinergi. Cinta yang baik adalah cinta yang bisa membuat energi keduanya menjadi berlipat. Cinta yang meniadakan salah satu atau bahkan keduanya, itu bukan cinta. Sekalipun ia bilang katanya berkorban.

Cinta adalah ketika kamu merasa energi dan potensimu naik berlipat ganda ketika bersamanya. Dan cintamu membuat hal yang sama kepadanya, bukan justru meniadakannya. Atau jika kalian ternyata saling meniadakan meskipun kalian saling mencintai, lebih baik tidak perlu bersatu. Karena percayalah, bahwa segala sesuatu itu tidak selalu harus seperti yang kita inginkan dan pikirkan. Sekalipun kita memiliki rencana terbaik, percayalah bahwa rencana Allah jauh lebih baik. Seperti matahari kepada bumi.

Sumber: Hujan Matahari – Kurniawan Gunadi


Pale Blue Dot

pale-blue-dot1From this distant vantage point, the Earth might not seem of any particular interest. But for us, it’s different. Consider again that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every “superstar,” every “supreme leader,” every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that in glory and triumph they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner. How frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity – in all this vastness – there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known, so far, to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment, the Earth is where we make our stand. It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.

Sumber: Pale Blue Dot, A Vision of the Human Future in Space – Carl Sagan


Kalian Sekolah Dapat Apa Sih?


Bener gak? Saya mah kadang suka bingung, kenapa sih para pelajar (saya juga termasuk) sukanya pada ngejar nilai. Nilai tuh kan angka. Gampang itu mah tinggal minta juga beres mau nilai 110 juga bisa. Wahai para pelajar… kalian mah lebih baik nilai bagus, gimanapun caranya daripada kerja jujur, gimanapun hasilnya. Lebih baik sih udah jujur, terus nilai bagus. Tapi kebanyakan menghalalkan segala cara kaya nyontek, kerja sama, nyari bocoran lah. Mikir coba, kalo sistemnya kaya gitu, pelajar Indonesia gak bakal maju – maju. Giliran soalnya diubah dikit, langsung kelabakan. Giliran disuruh ngerjain sendiri di depan, udah pias panas keringet dingin gak bisa ngerjain. Nah loh. Cik coba lah nanti mah, mulai dari sekarang berubah. Inget, hidup kalian itu gak dinilai sama angka. Hidup kalian itu dinilai dari bagaimana menyikapi kehidupan itu sendiri. Karenan nanti proses kehidupan di sekolah akan berbanding terbalik dengan kenyataan hidup yang ada. Seperti kaya quote diatas. “Di sekolah, kita belajar buat menghadapi ujian. Tapi di kehidupan, kita di uji untuk mandapat pelajaran”.

Oh iya, nitip pesan juga ke temen – temen seperjuangan yang sekarang lagi musim durian, eh salah, sekarang lagi musim UAS, sok selamat mengerjakan, selamat belajar, selamat begadang, selamat berpusing ria dengan buku textbook bahasa Inggris, selamat berkutat dengan integral yang bentuknya udah kaya mie kriting. Dan jangan lupa satu hal lagi, JUJUR. Inget kerjain sendiri. Karena jujur itu indah. Seindah angka 4.00 yang didapat dari perasan usaha dan kerja kita sendiri. Udah malem ternyata. Oke, pokoknya selamat UAS. Banggakan dirimu dan orang tua mu.